[he insists, because he's just not designed to fail. he always accomplishes his mission, and even if the parameters of it have changed here, his relationship with lieutenant anderson was crucial to this. even if it weren't complicated by the memories and the contract, the feelings connor is denying he has regarding his partner...at a base level, he should have protected him.
of course, any logical human or machine would accept and understand that in this case it's true: nothing could have been done. there was no predictive software to explain the anomaly of a freak accident. that's a difficult thing for connor to accept, just like 9s trying to assure him that even he wouldn't have been able to do anything. he doesn't seem to have the extra motivation to argue or to ask further, so instead he just closes his eyes and leaves his connection open for further investigation. there's still the chance that something faulty in his software could be blamed for this--something that will undoubtedly make him feel guiltier than he already does even if he won't call it that--but it'd be an answer.
when 9s speaks up again, his eyes widen, and his led circles from yellow to blue in a flash. so there is an issue. he knew there must be.]
If something is wrong with me--I should fix it. It could be the reason I wasn't able to protect the Lieutenant, and it could impair my mission in the future.
Please, 9S. I would--It would be more helpful than you know. If you can just give me the diagnostics or inform me of the problem, I can determine the best course of action.
Is it a calibration? A virus?
[he has no idea the answer is something he's never going to want to fix.]
[It's frustrating, in a way, to hear him talk like that, if only because it hits way too close to home. Just how many times had he been scolded and talked down to, warned and almost threatened just because of the way he'd been made? He still gets treated like this, told that his feelings don't matter or are invalid because of what he is - it just comes out of the mouth of his creators more often than not now, not his fellow androids.]
It's neither of those things. Connor, you need to listen to me and listen to me very, very carefully...the way you're made? The only way for you to stop "feeling" is if you have your memories wiped, especially of the Lieutenant. Even if you did do this it's only a matter of time before your code lands you in the very same state you are in right now all over again.
[he can sense maybe he's said something wrong by the way 9S emphasizes that. it's confusing to be told his coding is unlike anything he'd ever seen, that there is something different and then just be meant to accept it. connor is torn between knowing his code was meant to evolve to make decisions and new algorithms based on the data he obtains, and knowing there should be some sort of limit to keep him from ultimately going deviant. he knows there's no link or specific piece of coding they've narrowed it down to in the course of his investigation--any of the recovered deviants haven't been fully analyzed yet.
he's conflicted. which is in itself a feeling, but more easily chalked up to something that still is within the parameters of his case. he's had conflicting priorities to handle before.
but the solution...the solution makes him feel that same tightness in his chest again without any warning or error code flashing on his hud. the thought of losing his memories and--progress with hank?
it's devastating to consider. it makes him feel--frightened? pervasively, and deeply sad, almost as sad as seeing him die.
his led flashes red, and he lifts his gaze to look resolutely at 9s.]
I--
[it would jeopardize the mission too, that's just it. he's not being completely deviant or irrational in saying this, even if his reasoning is truly selfish at its core.]
I can't do that.
[he pulls his hand away, terminating the connection abruptly. as if the very idea of it happening even accidentally while connected to 9S is too much to handle.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[he insists, because he's just not designed to fail. he always accomplishes his mission, and even if the parameters of it have changed here, his relationship with lieutenant anderson was crucial to this. even if it weren't complicated by the memories and the contract, the feelings connor is denying he has regarding his partner...at a base level, he should have protected him.
of course, any logical human or machine would accept and understand that in this case it's true: nothing could have been done. there was no predictive software to explain the anomaly of a freak accident. that's a difficult thing for connor to accept, just like 9s trying to assure him that even he wouldn't have been able to do anything. he doesn't seem to have the extra motivation to argue or to ask further, so instead he just closes his eyes and leaves his connection open for further investigation. there's still the chance that something faulty in his software could be blamed for this--something that will undoubtedly make him feel guiltier than he already does even if he won't call it that--but it'd be an answer.
when 9s speaks up again, his eyes widen, and his led circles from yellow to blue in a flash. so there is an issue. he knew there must be.]
If something is wrong with me--I should fix it. It could be the reason I wasn't able to protect the Lieutenant, and it could impair my mission in the future.
Please, 9S. I would--It would be more helpful than you know. If you can just give me the diagnostics or inform me of the problem, I can determine the best course of action.
Is it a calibration? A virus?
[he has no idea the answer is something he's never going to want to fix.]
no subject
[It's frustrating, in a way, to hear him talk like that, if only because it hits way too close to home. Just how many times had he been scolded and talked down to, warned and almost threatened just because of the way he'd been made? He still gets treated like this, told that his feelings don't matter or are invalid because of what he is - it just comes out of the mouth of his creators more often than not now, not his fellow androids.]
It's neither of those things. Connor, you need to listen to me and listen to me very, very carefully...the way you're made? The only way for you to stop "feeling" is if you have your memories wiped, especially of the Lieutenant. Even if you did do this it's only a matter of time before your code lands you in the very same state you are in right now all over again.
no subject
[he can sense maybe he's said something wrong by the way 9S emphasizes that. it's confusing to be told his coding is unlike anything he'd ever seen, that there is something different and then just be meant to accept it. connor is torn between knowing his code was meant to evolve to make decisions and new algorithms based on the data he obtains, and knowing there should be some sort of limit to keep him from ultimately going deviant. he knows there's no link or specific piece of coding they've narrowed it down to in the course of his investigation--any of the recovered deviants haven't been fully analyzed yet.
he's conflicted. which is in itself a feeling, but more easily chalked up to something that still is within the parameters of his case. he's had conflicting priorities to handle before.
but the solution...the solution makes him feel that same tightness in his chest again without any warning or error code flashing on his hud. the thought of losing his memories and--progress with hank?
it's devastating to consider. it makes him feel--frightened? pervasively, and deeply sad, almost as sad as seeing him die.
his led flashes red, and he lifts his gaze to look resolutely at 9s.]
I--
[it would jeopardize the mission too, that's just it. he's not being completely deviant or irrational in saying this, even if his reasoning is truly selfish at its core.]
I can't do that.
[he pulls his hand away, terminating the connection abruptly. as if the very idea of it happening even accidentally while connected to 9S is too much to handle.]
It would be a setback for both of us.
[i don't want to lose him again.]