Which still leaves.....everything that started this conversation to begin with. He glances over carefully, wondering how to best phrase it.
“I think we should address the possibility of others outside of our contract since it’s the immediate topic, then. And I think—I know I don’t have a say over it.”
Connor nods in agreement. It seems much simpler when Hank says it like that.
“Yes.”
It still feels like there’s something else he’s missing, something unsaid and confusing in his own thoughts. Like trying to piece together Jericho’s location without clarity in their evidence. But he knows he’ll have to figure it out himself.
He can’t be hearing this right. He’s already said—
“It wasn’t unpleasant. It was appealing, even. I could tell you the factual aspects, but that wouldn’t really help either. The truth is...sexual activity without trust or some level of intimacy is different, Hank. I believe it’s what humans refer to as—no strings? A hook-up.”
"It was - I don't know, Connor, I was barely in my own head for it. It was
like - like you said, I guess. A manual override, making me do what this
goddamn place wanted me to."
“You didn’t answer the first part. Are you—one of those humans?”
Does Hank prefer to remain unattached? Would he rather just—have sex and leave it at that? At first he’d guess yes, but he thinks about all the little things he’s collected about one (1) Lieutenant Hank Anderson and now he’s not so certain.
Connor nods slowly, like he’s putting something together.
Only—he doesn’t.
“So this must be difficult for you.”
Because he still can’t wrap his head around the possibility that he’d have any kind of place alongside Hank’s former lovers. He’s an android, newly accepting his sentience or not, and....well.
“Before,” he agrees with a nod. He adds a specific reminder to his task list of priorities, overriding a few protocols to make sure he’ll have a way to get the message out to Hank, even if something unpredicted occurs.
“Thank you, Hank. For understanding.”
He doesn’t let go of his hand glancing down at it and just...enjoying the visual for a moment.
Connor sits down next to him, close enough to nudge their knees together and keep their fingers laced.
“Mr. Kamski is—unorthodox in some of his methods, and I agree there are signs of a narcissistic personality—but he seems....most interested in my choices. My preferences. The symptoms of my...”
He hasn’t broken down his wall—he hasn’t failed his overall mission parameters. He’s still monitoring Simon—the only one left. But he can’t deny that he’s experiencing anomalies too, and he’s not just cataloguing emotions that 9s shares with him. He’s actually feeling them.
“But I can accept that I’m not just an unfeeling machine anymore, Hank. When you were gone, I—mourned you. It hurt.”
He recognizes now that before all this—the things that they did were also enjoyable. But they didn’t have the same sensations tied to them, mémorable on a much more physical level. And it wasn’t just because of his own pleasure.
“I can only conclude that I have strong feelings associated with you and our time shared. Feelings that enhance overall experience.”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Which still leaves.....everything that started this conversation to begin with. He glances over carefully, wondering how to best phrase it.
“I think we should address the possibility of others outside of our contract since it’s the immediate topic, then. And I think—I know I don’t have a say over it.”
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"Well...."
Hank just shrugs, careless.
"What's to address? If you want to screw other people, then you can, okay?"
It's not like he hasn't already.
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The likelihood of him actually doing that sits at a low percentage, currently, but he’s not going to say so.
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"Okay. And everything else...we've been doing okay so far, right? Don't think we need anything else on the paperwork."
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“Yes.”
It still feels like there’s something else he’s missing, something unsaid and confusing in his own thoughts. Like trying to piece together Jericho’s location without clarity in their evidence. But he knows he’ll have to figure it out himself.
“Is there anything else?”
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No.
Yes.
No.
Fuck.
"....How was it?"
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He can’t be hearing this right. He’s already said—
“It wasn’t unpleasant. It was appealing, even. I could tell you the factual aspects, but that wouldn’t really help either. The truth is...sexual activity without trust or some level of intimacy is different, Hank. I believe it’s what humans refer to as—no strings? A hook-up.”
What does Hank want to hear, he wonders?
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"Yeah."
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
"Some humans like that better."
Fuck.
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“Do you?”
Another pause, a flicker of his LED.
“What was it like with 2B?”
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"It was - I don't know, Connor, I was barely in my own head for it. It was like - like you said, I guess. A manual override, making me do what this goddamn place wanted me to."
He grimaces.
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Does Hank prefer to remain unattached? Would he rather just—have sex and leave it at that? At first he’d guess yes, but he thinks about all the little things he’s collected about one (1) Lieutenant Hank Anderson and now he’s not so certain.
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"No-!" He sighs hoarsely. "No, I'm not, Connor. I'd only had one serious girlfriend before I got married, and since her there was nobody 'til...."
Until this. Until Connor.
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Only—he doesn’t.
“So this must be difficult for you.”
Because he still can’t wrap his head around the possibility that he’d have any kind of place alongside Hank’s former lovers. He’s an android, newly accepting his sentience or not, and....well.
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"I - yeah, I guess. I mean, I kinda figured we'd be...but I never said anything, so..."
So he's got no right to complain that they're not exclusive after all, that Connor saw a reason to fuck Kamski and just did it.
"It doesn't matter."
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He steps forward, and before he can rationalize it, he does what is a distinctly human mechanism of comfort: he reaches for Hank’s hand.
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Hank sighs, deflating a little, and curls his fingers around Connor's.
"...Thanks."
They'll work it out as they go. They are already, right?
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Not waving him off or just accepting something that’s clearly causing him some measure of distress.
“This is still—very new to me. You know that. But I feel confident in saying what I want will always involve you.”
His brows furrow. Somehow that didn’t come out as emphatic as he meant. Why is thi so difficult?
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"Same here. This is...this is new to me too, okay?"
Yeah, he's had relationships, he's been married. That's about as distant from this as sharing a dorm is from having a cellmate.
"Let's just...keep talking. Before shit happens, if we get the chance."
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“Thank you, Hank. For understanding.”
He doesn’t let go of his hand glancing down at it and just...enjoying the visual for a moment.
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Hank finally relaxes enough to sit on the couch, drawing Connor down with him.
"...I'm amazed that fucker didn't program you to think he's the best you ever had," he mutters.
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“Mr. Kamski is—unorthodox in some of his methods, and I agree there are signs of a narcissistic personality—but he seems....most interested in my choices. My preferences. The symptoms of my...”
He takes a shaky, artificial breath.
“Deviancy.”
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Hank squeezes his hand lightly.
"That what you're calling it now?"
Has he finally accepted the way the tide's been turning?
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He hasn’t broken down his wall—he hasn’t failed his overall mission parameters. He’s still monitoring Simon—the only one left. But he can’t deny that he’s experiencing anomalies too, and he’s not just cataloguing emotions that 9s shares with him. He’s actually feeling them.
“But I can accept that I’m not just an unfeeling machine anymore, Hank. When you were gone, I—mourned you. It hurt.”
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"And when I got back, when we - you felt that too, right?"
He told him as much, at the time.
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He recognizes now that before all this—the things that they did were also enjoyable. But they didn’t have the same sensations tied to them, mémorable on a much more physical level. And it wasn’t just because of his own pleasure.
“I can only conclude that I have strong feelings associated with you and our time shared. Feelings that enhance overall experience.”
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