[that's very endearing coming from simon. connor sends back a smile followed by a tongue sticking out to tell him the joke is accepted. but--more importantly.]
Oh, I'm sorry, Simon. It's not polite to pry, but if you dwell on it that means it's important to you. I have discovered it is often better to....lay all your chips on the table, as the humans say. It's better to know for certain than to hold on. Our emotions are newly afforded to us, but that doesn't mean we should suffer consequences of negative ones just for the sake of it.
I would be happy to hear you out, if you need to voice your doubts and complications.
[The tongue emoji does get a smile out of him, so that's good. At least until Connor is trying to be a good pal and give him an opening to talk about stuff if he wants to.]
Yes of course, you're right. Still, I don't want to cause any trouble or make things. Awkward.
I care very deeply for someone, but I can't tell them, they're already with another. I'm afraid, Connor. Afraid if I said anything I would lose what connection I do have with them. Their friendship is very special to me, I can't afford to compromise it in anyway.
You wouldn't make it awkward for me, Simon. And I'd never offer unfair judgment or form predisposed opinions on your situation, I promise.
That does sound....difficult. I can relate in some ways. Admitting my feelings to the Lieutenant was not easy, mainly because I had a difficult time distinguishing what they were at all.
But you sound so sure of yours. Are you certain they have someone else in a more romantic capacity? Is it possible you don't have the entire picture? I think one of the most reassuring things about all of us as androids is that overall, our experiences with emotion since the revolution are positive. Most of us want to support one another, and with that attitude in mind, I don't think anyone is looking to lose friendships as we navigate these complicated other emotions.
Hank has taught me that life is too short to keep how you feel hidden away, Simon.
Did you find it harder accepting your feelings for Lieutenant Anderson because of him being human? Or did that never matter to you?
I am certain. They've interfaced and kissed in front of many of us multiple times, which is fine.
[It's not fine.]
That is a form of affection, showing they're in a relationship. It hurts though, even though that makes no sense. We don't feel pain yet I don't know how else to describe it. What I feel emotionally when I see that.
I will always support them, but I can't force my feelings onto them when they've already accepted anothers. It wouldn't be fair of me.
Everything happened so fast. I'm only just starting to encounter some of the unanticipated drawbacks...but I feel in some ways it makes it more rewarding to overcome our challenges. I can't say that it ever mattered. There is...one thing I don't like dwelling on, however, and that's human mortality.
Oh, Simon.
I'm...sorry. That does not sound fine. Just because you're alright with it does not also guarantee that witnessing it on a repetitive basis is still acceptable. I believe some humans refer to that phenomenon as "rubbing salt into a wound". It's meant to be a second helping of something painful.
Emotions are not logical, and they complicate everything.
It is perfectly understandable that you might feel that way.
And you're overcoming them together, right? If so that's good. I'm happy for you, Connor. And I think I understand some what. Humans can't replace everything as easily as we can if something doesn't work. Even then we can only do so much before we're outdated... obsolete and biocomponents aren't made for our model any longer.
[Simon isn't quite that old yet, but they'd already made an updated model version of him. Soon enough he'd be considered obsolete. Though maybe with androids being their own people now, they could work to fix that, make sure everyone had the biocomponents they needed no matter how old or new.]
It's hard not to think of the one you love suddenly not existing anymore. Especially in your line of work. I hope it never comes to that, Connor. I hope you have many years together.
There are times I wish I could turn them off. Like a switch. I find myself powering down into a semi stasis state a lot recently, when emotions and thoughts are too much to handle. It's the only way I can just. Stop. Even for a little while.
Yes, together. I...admit, I feel a measure of guilt discussing this with you now knowing your situation, Simon. I wouldn't have brought it up if I'd known just how much it's affecting you.
Entering stasis can only abate what you're feeling temporarily, I imagine. Sometimes...the bad things can follow you even there. I know mine do occasionally.
While I unfortunately cannot offer you any advice on turning off emotions, in my experience distractions can be useful. If you would like to engage in activities to keep your mind off of it and perhaps find enjoyment in the newfound things we can experience, I would gladly offer that to you.
Don't be. You didn't know and it something I have to figure out on my own.
I don't want to take away from your time with Lieutenant Anderson, Connor. You mustn't have a lot of free time to yourselves right now. I'll be okay.
This is just a part of living free, making choices and learning how to exist as our own person. Navigating life after fighting for isn't what I expected, but that will keep me busy won't it?
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no subject
Oh, I'm sorry, Simon. It's not polite to pry, but if you dwell on it that means it's important to you. I have discovered it is often better to....lay all your chips on the table, as the humans say. It's better to know for certain than to hold on. Our emotions are newly afforded to us, but that doesn't mean we should suffer consequences of negative ones just for the sake of it.
I would be happy to hear you out, if you need to voice your doubts and complications.
no subject
Yes of course, you're right. Still, I don't want to cause any trouble or make things. Awkward.
I care very deeply for someone, but I can't tell them, they're already with another. I'm afraid, Connor. Afraid if I said anything I would lose what connection I do have with them. Their friendship is very special to me, I can't afford to compromise it in anyway.
no subject
That does sound....difficult. I can relate in some ways. Admitting my feelings to the Lieutenant was not easy, mainly because I had a difficult time distinguishing what they were at all.
But you sound so sure of yours. Are you certain they have someone else in a more romantic capacity? Is it possible you don't have the entire picture? I think one of the most reassuring things about all of us as androids is that overall, our experiences with emotion since the revolution are positive. Most of us want to support one another, and with that attitude in mind, I don't think anyone is looking to lose friendships as we navigate these complicated other emotions.
Hank has taught me that life is too short to keep how you feel hidden away, Simon.
no subject
I am certain. They've interfaced and kissed in front of many of us multiple times, which is fine.
[It's not fine.]
That is a form of affection, showing they're in a relationship. It hurts though, even though that makes no sense. We don't feel pain yet I don't know how else to describe it. What I feel emotionally when I see that.
I will always support them, but I can't force my feelings onto them when they've already accepted anothers. It wouldn't be fair of me.
no subject
Oh, Simon.
I'm...sorry. That does not sound fine. Just because you're alright with it does not also guarantee that witnessing it on a repetitive basis is still acceptable. I believe some humans refer to that phenomenon as "rubbing salt into a wound". It's meant to be a second helping of something painful.
Emotions are not logical, and they complicate everything.
It is perfectly understandable that you might feel that way.
no subject
[Simon isn't quite that old yet, but they'd already made an updated model version of him. Soon enough he'd be considered obsolete. Though maybe with androids being their own people now, they could work to fix that, make sure everyone had the biocomponents they needed no matter how old or new.]
It's hard not to think of the one you love suddenly not existing anymore. Especially in your line of work. I hope it never comes to that, Connor. I hope you have many years together.
There are times I wish I could turn them off. Like a switch. I find myself powering down into a semi stasis state a lot recently, when emotions and thoughts are too much to handle. It's the only way I can just. Stop. Even for a little while.
no subject
Entering stasis can only abate what you're feeling temporarily, I imagine. Sometimes...the bad things can follow you even there. I know mine do occasionally.
While I unfortunately cannot offer you any advice on turning off emotions, in my experience distractions can be useful. If you would like to engage in activities to keep your mind off of it and perhaps find enjoyment in the newfound things we can experience, I would gladly offer that to you.
no subject
I don't want to take away from your time with Lieutenant Anderson, Connor. You mustn't have a lot of free time to yourselves right now. I'll be okay.
This is just a part of living free, making choices and learning how to exist as our own person. Navigating life after fighting for isn't what I expected, but that will keep me busy won't it?